Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
