I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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