There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
