Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
