I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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