I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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