i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
