Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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