I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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