Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
