just come out here and I will go home with you...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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