gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
