Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
