how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
