Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Houston, we have a squirter
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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