so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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