Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
