He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
