Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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