first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
