Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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