We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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