Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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