I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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