I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
