who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
