Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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