I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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