glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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