i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
