If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
