cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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