If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
