what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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