If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
