Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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