He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
