She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
