A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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