remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
