1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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