i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
