thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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