I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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