I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
