Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
