I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
