mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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