Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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