bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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