Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i've created a new STD.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
