help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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