i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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