My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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