last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This house was built for laser tag.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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