i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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