We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
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Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
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I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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