apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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