Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize