so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
