I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
