4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
how drunk are you?
Several
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
