If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
