i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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