Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
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