Me too!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
