Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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