party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
