Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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