I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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