My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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