did you get engaged???
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
