you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
