I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
