the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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