There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
