did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
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At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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